ADAPTATION GUIDE

Famous last words, 

February 2024

No historian can take part with-or against-the forces he has to study. To him even the extinction of the human race should merely be a fact to be grouped with other vital statistics.

- Henry Brooks Adams

Welcome to the New Normal: A Feast of Climate Chaos

As we sit here aboard the Titanic of our times, crossing a tempestuous Atlantic, it seems fitting to indulge in one final meal from the first-class menu: Whitefish.

For February has served us a platter of ominous tidings from around the globe, and facing such challenges on an empty stomach would be folly indeed.

Let's take a whirlwind tour of the world's woes: Atmospheric rivers inundate California, North America shivers in the grip of -50°C, Eastern Canada is buried under meters of snow, El Niño fans the flames of infernos in Chile, and John Podesta steps up as our new climate czar. Meanwhile, BP gleefully ramps up oil production, smog chokes the Lombardy region of Italy, Brazil battles a Dengue emergency, and Southern Africa grapples with the deadliest Cholera outbreak in decades.

But wait, there's more! Paris crafts an art form out of elevated parking fees for SUVs, while whispers of an impending ice age haunt Northern Europe. And if that weren't enough, defense ministers warn of Russian aggression in both outer space and on NATO soil within the next five years.

Yet amidst this cacophony of crises, perhaps the most chilling revelation comes from a U.S. study: half of disaster-displaced individuals report encountering fraudsters amidst their plight. Could it be that in our darkest hours, we find not only nature but our fellow humans arrayed against us?

As we brace for the potential return of the self-styled King of Con, envisioning a future where "The United States of Con" adorns our banknotes, it's clear that February 2024 has delivered a stark lesson. While the Conservative and Progressive Conservative factions flounder in the face of the new "Normal," it's up to the rest of us to adapt and overcome.

The mantra of our times is simple: The hot will grow hotter, the cold colder, the wet wetter, and the dry drier. Violent storms will become our unwelcome companions, battering our shores with increasing frequency. And amidst it all, batteries will balk at extreme cold, leaving electric car owners longing for the shelter of a garage, or in North America's case, an empty one.

In the words of the old German adage, "Wer nicht hören will muss fühlen" – "The one who doesn`t want to listen must feel". We ignored the warnings, denied the signs, and now find ourselves teetering between chaos and death, with only Plan C and Plan D as our dubious guides.

But let us not succumb to despair. Instead, let us raise our forks defiantly and proclaim: Bon appétit! For in the face of adversity, there is still the power to savor life, to fight for change, and to forge a path towards a better, more resilient future. This is not just an opinion piece – it's a rallying cry for action in the face of impending catastrophe.

Acknowledgments: New York Times, Frankfurter Allgemeine Sonntagszeitung, NBC, YouTube.